Why England can win the Ashes in Australia

1. The Australians are fucked in their heads. This mere observation does not merit evidence. The first Test (the one they should have won) got snatched by one called Laxman. Defeat is not a priority here but the way of defeat. They looked a sorry lot.

2. The second Test is still going on, and no Sir, it is not my business to be a nonchalant prophesier. That duty is been diligently carried out in utmost professional way by maniacs in Indian news television channels, cricket commentators and our mildly incorrigible analysts. After scoring 478, which by no means is a score any team I have played in has managed in an innings, and that says a lot. As I write this, India trail by 6 runs with 5 wickets in hand. Tendulkar on 210* and Dhoni on 21*. Australian bowling shit.